BPD BADDIE

Hey baddies! Long time no seeeee. Today I feel like ranting. I already know that this post is about to be hectic, so prepare. Lately, I've been incredibly happy. I'm slightly worried this might be a temporary state of euphoria, but I don't think it is. It's like a soft happiness. A happy state where I can just dwell in peace, harmony, and joy. Isn't that so wonderful? N ow onto a less wonderful topic: me being SAd. It drives me crazy that I was so young, and I was able to survive it and the trauma. I don't know why I decided to rant about that right now, but I just felt like it, and you know what? This is my blog; I can do whatever the hell I want with it. So let's talk about me being sexually abused/assaulted. I feel like I ignore this part of me sometimes and treat it as though it never really happened. I'll be frank, sometimes it feels like it didn't and like I'm making it all up. But then I get the flashbacks. They're so vivid, so real, s...

I'm  finally back. I don't know how long I'll be back until I fall into another depressive slump/state/episode. But I'm here at the moment, and that's what matters. I'm still stuck in another country. Very fun, I know. I miss my life. But I know being here is for the best. I really needed the therapy, medications, and treatment I'm getting. I don't think I would've still been here if this didn't happen. It still drives me insane that I can't see the love of my life. It's been months. It physically hurts me. But I'm stuck. I have no choice. But whatever. I shouldn't worry because it's not like I can do anything about it. I was experiencing euphoria earlier today, but it's starting to dull down. Maybe I can salvage it. At the very least, I got the energy to finally post something on the blog. Maybe life isn't so awful.  Edit: This was written on the 11th. I am much better now, though most of this still applies. Anyway, s...

  Hey baddies! Today I'm going to talk about euphoria. There's not much else to say so let's get into it.  What is euphoria? Euphoria is a state of transient intense joy. It is often compared to or mistaken for mania (they are in fact quite similar). During euphoria, or a euphoric episode, one may experience many positive emotions and feelings to an extremely intense level. You may feel connected to the world. You will most likely have a feeling of well-being and that everything will be perfect or that everything is perfect. You'll feel like you're on top of the world; nothing can bring you down. However, this state of epicness does not last too long. It'll last from a few hours to a few days. This is what differentiates it from mania. Mania lasts months, while euphoria goes as quickly as it came.  What causes or triggers euphoria? Euphoria can be caused by many things, such as positive events or relationships, but it can also happen suddenly, without cause.  Is...

  It's 11/11. I love angel numbers. I love the color deep red, the one that looks like a pool of blood staining your fanciest white shirt. I love short nails with fun designs in jewel tones. I love maximalism. I love bags with lots of keychains. I love glitter. I love snickerdoodle cookies. I love stuffed animals and teddy bears. I love fur. I love animal print. I love tiny things. I love the color pink. every shade of it. I love so many things. I have so much love. Why can't I take a little bit of that love and give it to myself? Why is it so hard to accept and tolerate myself? I can't be that awful. There are people who accept me. Who tolerate me and my presence. Even if they're pretending, at least they're there. So why can't I do the same? Why can't I even pretend?