Details (TW)

Sometimes I look in the mirror and just stare at myself. I overanalyze every part of me. I always overanalyze everything. I think too much, and I know my thoughts and attention to detail will eventually lead to my demise. I don't know how that will happen, but I'm sure of it. My attention to detail has always bothered me. Because of it, the most mundane, unnoticeable things drive me insane. I can't go one second without having a plethora of thoughts flooding my head. It feels like a shipwreck in my mind, and the only way out is to swim to the surface, except I have no limbs. Yes. That's how I feel. Limbless and helpless. I sometimes forget just how severe the trauma I endured was. I practically got raped by my own father, I've attempted to kill myself and take my life over ten times, and more. I have a whole personality disorder because of said trauma. I've been told to not let my trauma and/or disorder define me, but that's hard to do when the trauma has shaped who you are and the disorder affects your personality. I'm starting to get physical flashbacks again. I can feel his hands on me. His dry, wrinkled lips trying to make their way into my mouth. I'm remembering all sorts of things. The sting after being slapped in the face for absolutely no reason. It's driving me mad. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT. I'm not even a legal adult yet, and look at all the bullshit and horrid things I've had to go through. It seems like no one cares, however. Maybe I'm just attention-seeking, but you would expect after someone posts and reposts content that alludes to or talks about things such as suicide, rape, and abuse that other people would be concerned and talk to the person, you know, check up on them. But alas, no one does that. Okay, to be fair, some do that, but it's one or two people. I don't even know what I'm writing right now; it's midnight. I think I'll end the post here. Thanks for reading, baddies. I love you all <3.