Love, Infatuation, & Limerence

Hey, baddies! Today, I'm talking about love, infatuation, and limerence. Let's start by defining each of these words.

What is love? That's a TWICE song. Seriously, though. Google defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection. Love can mean many things to many people. There are several types of love, as well. The ancient Greeks had 8 types of love: 

    • Eros (sexual passion)
    • Philia (deep friendship)
    • Ludus (playful love)
    • Agape (love for everyone)
    • Pragma (longstanding love)
    • Philautia (love of the self)
    • Storge (family love)
    • Mania (obsessive love)

  • They felt as though the word love was overused and used loosely, so they had 8 words for love, one for each type. I honestly agree with this. People use the word love so loosely that we will use the same word to describe our liking for food and to describe our affection, dedication, and adoration for a soulmate. 

  • What is infatuation? Infatuation is intense (but short-lived) obsession and admiration. Some people confuse infatuation for love, but infatuation lasts a short while and is usually very baseless. 
  • What is limerence? This is a big one. Google defines limerence as "having an intense longing for another person," though I feel that is too simple of a definition. Limerence is a very extreme, intense, overpowering feeling of longing and admiration, often mistaken for love as well. People with BPD often experience limerence rather than love. Many times, I thought I was in love, but really, it was just limerence. I realized I'd never fallen in love before (prior to my current lover/partner).

  • What are the similarities and differences between limerence and love? Let's start with similarities. 
    • both love and limerence include intense emotions of attraction and desire towards someone 
    • they both involve passion, excitement, and connection
    • both often involve a desire for emotional closeness, connection, and intimacy
    • they can both influence decision-making, making the person prioritize the feelings of the other person and act upon emotions

  • How about differences? There are a variety of differences between love and limerence. Let's get into them!
    • limerence stems from unmet emotional needs and unresolved childhood trauma, while love is rooted in genuine emotional connection and real experiences 
    • love is a lasting emotion that promotes emotional intimacy and connection, while limerence is temporary infatuation driven by insecurity and validation 
    • limerence can drive the person to do mad things caused by intrusive thoughts and intense emotions, while love is balanced and prioritizes both individuals
    • limerence is unhealthy, but true love is
    • limerence leads the person to obsession and preoccupation with the other person, while love is a healthy, balanced relationship between two individuals

  • There are many more differences, but these are a few. I used to confuse my feelings of limerence for feelings of love, so when I met and interacted with my current lover, I felt strange. What I felt towards him was bizarre to me; I'd never felt it before. That's when I realized I actually LOVED him, and it wasn't the usual obsessive "romance." I felt confused and a little unsafe. It was so different than what I was used to. It was healthy, and it prioritized the two of us. I felt like I wanted to better myself and love myself. That is true love.
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  • Thank you for reading this, baddies! I hope you learned something from this, and lots of love to all of you <3. 

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